PLOTS, CLOTS and CALAMITY: Being Captain Cooks TRUE Account of H.M.S. remises

PLOTS, CLOTS and CALAMITY is a satirical adaptation of Mark McKirdys doctoral thesis on James Cooks first great ocean voyage in the Pacific from 1769 to 1771. The featured characters were all on board Cooks ship Endeavour and the places visited are authentic. Actual historical events and famous figures contemporary to the 18th century are also interwoven in order to create a greater sense of accuracy. The many insults and expletives uttered by various characters are also authentic to the period and provide added humor and interest. Cook has been given warmth and a reflective disposition, which are evident when he occasionally thinks about his family and his childhood. This juxtaposition of lifes breadbasket laughs with the unleavened sour dough of sadness and regret is deliberate because not everything people experience is funny.

In his official ships log, Captain Cook wrote that the Endeavour ran aground on a Queensland reef near Cape Tribulation in June, 1770 because of the inconstancy of unfamiliar waters. According to PLOTS, CLOTS and CALAMITY, this was a lie to preserve the reputations of certain prominent British gentlemen and the ships crew. Two years later, nagged by his conscience and his wife Elizabeth, Cook wrote his truthful account which, unsurprisingly, was suppressed by the Admiralty. Risking personal shame, public disgrace and an end to his naval career, Cook courageously reveals that it was the constant, all too familiar misconduct of his crew and gentlemanly companions that inevitably led to the disaster.

In chilling detail, Cook recounts myriad examples of criminal and morally reprehensible behaviour on board ship and on land; violent feuds, playing knock-and-run after midnight, licentiousness, unkempt eyebrows, insubordination, undisguised toe-nail biting, low types plotting high treason, thefts, unused soap-on-a-rope, unauthorised Bunking-With-a-Buddy, desertion, involvement in amateur theatre, dereliction of duty, serious belief in numerology, gross incompetence in the ranks, rank incontinence through the cooks slop and sneaky smoking in the ships magazine, most of which occurred even as the Endeavour sailed up the Thames River at the start of its voyage in August, 1768.

PLOTS, CLOTS and CALAMITY will shock readers throughout the entire English-speaking world and New Zealand.